My Venus Doom

Today I went to the movies with my grandma and "grandpa". I don't like how she's changed ever since she got married. She used to be really fun to be around when she was single, hated men, and didn't act all gradmother-y. Now she's practically glued to this guy's every word, and treats me like a little kid. I hate it. I mean, I'm really happy that she's so happy with Bill, but I want my grandma back. I almost cried when I heard she was moving back to her old apartment with him. I don't want her around here when she's like this. Especially not in that apartment. That place was too much fun.

Maybe it's just my period talking, but she just makes me really depressed.

Especially on top of what happened on Friday. I can't wait to graduate from this fucking hell-hole of a school. I wish I never moved from my old one. I can't stand this place.

In brighter news, I am actually writing just too lazy to post it. It probably still won't happen today, but soon. I promise. Since I'm also reading/writing Harry Potter fanfic again ^_^. I just haven't had much time for the computer with all the end of the year stuffs going on. I hope I pass ^^;. If I don't, it's no more computer for me.

( click! )

Thanks to one of my newest idols, ficcy  (WHO HAS WRITTEN MEH THIS AMAZING KICHUL STORY!: *click here for LOVE* ), I have been inspired to start writing again! 
Current Projects: 
- 하루 하루 ~ Day by Day  (chaptered Big Bang fic; planned/written by me and yesungswifey ): percent done: 0.7777777% (lolz)
- *story title pending* (chaptered Boys Over Flowers paranormal fic): percent done: -0.9%
- Writing Away My Freedom (chaptered DBSK Changmin/Jaejoong): precent done: 1% (this might be on hiatus though... I kidna lost drive for this one ^^;)
-I'll also be attempting the 100 SuJu fic challenge just for some practice writing.

I figured with the end of the school year coming up the workload should be just a little lighter so I can actually have time to sit and write again ^_^.

I'm EXTREMELY excited because this summer every day (Mon-Fri) from 8-11 AM, I'm taking a Chinese Immersion class! I've wanted to learn Chinese for a while (among many other languages lol...) and I'm taking it in my freshman year next year so I figured I'd take a course during the summer so I wouldn't sound like a complete idiot. XD

One of my favorite people on the internet EVER, ficcy , is having rough times right now with school and things, so I made her a banner/sign thingy to give her support ^_^



...I really should learn not to draw when I'm in bed sick. It took me until i was taking pictures of it to realize that Fighting was spelled wrong. -_- My camera also sucks so you cant see it that well.. once I feel better I'll probably make a better one in photoshop XD
anyways, it says "HANCHUL SAYS:" "FICCY FIG(H)TING!!"
I hope you like it ficcy!!!! If you don't know who she is, I strongly reccomend you go read her fanfics. She is one of the most talented people I know, and also one of the coolest ^_^ 

Now I have to go write a paper I've been neglecting. Happy Easter everyone!!!!!!

HAI! I BE BACK.

So.... School stole me from LJ for a while, then I came back, and then Boys Over Flowers stole me from the little LJ that I was doing ^^;. BUT now I'm finished with BOF (...sorta xD) and I'm gonna start being somewhat active again. I'm starting a BOF fanfic, trying desperately to finish my DBSK fic, and im probably going to do a SuJu (or big bang... if i convince her XD) fic with meh bestie katie ((yesungswifey)). Also, if any of the very few people who read this have the extra time i would really really appreciate it if you guys could go read her KangSung story ^_^ she's pretty good for someone who hasn't written very much.

Yups. My Xanga is pretty much dead... but I'll get to that eventually. So now I shall go sleep, because school takes too much of my energy. -_-.

xx
Mira

EDIT: (OMONA this post was epic fail. I use smileys too much...)

Untitled

You're the closest thing I have to someone who holds me dear,

And it tears me apart that you're not here.

I wish things could be different,

That you weren't so far away.

That I didn't have to hide you from my family,

That you were by my side to stay.

I love you with my heart and soul,

You say you feel the same.

But your life I cannot control,

And your heart I can't bear to blame.

I actually love this poem. o_O

It's about how a few days ago a friend of mine who's connected to my lovely foriegn boyfriend (no names, =P) said that he was seeing some girl he works with (I won't use cheating because we never actually declared ourselves bf/gf or anything stupid like that. we were just together.). She's not really a friend though. She's like... my best friend last year who hates me this year for no good reason. She thought I'd get all upset and hate him BUT it backfired and I said "Good for him." because if I were 21 I wouldn't want to be stuck with a plain 13 year old halfway around the world. This is generally about how I wish the situation was different, but I know I can't control how he feels, and I can't blame him for making a natural desicion (decision? Idk how to spell =P). SO yeah.

Anyway, I fail epicly. I've ignored everything internet-related that I've had to do. I was working on making myself a new layout (hence the ugliness of the current journal) AND I had to finish a chapter for a DBSK fanfic I'm working on.

OK So my fandoms change wayyyy to often. For the past... 2 weeks I've been a Super Junior fangirl. Mostly KiHaeTeuk (Kibum, Donghae, Eeteuk). and when I say fangirl, I mean obsessive. Like OMFGGG BRING ON THE LOVECHILDREN!!! (...you never read that.... <.<>.>)

And that goes onto my other excuse for being uber lazy. My new zune. My baby. MY LOVECHILD XP. Evangeline Kim. Yesh. I SAID IT. (and I used Kim because Kibum is my ultimate favorite out of KiHae/KiTeuk/HaeTeuk)

I've dedicated almost all of my free time to putting stuff on her (LMAO. Pervert mind.) and watching videos and getting new music and checking out the software and listening to this podcast, Twilighters Anonymous that is THE SHIT.

So I will stop my newlyfound lovechild obsession to not be lazy anymore! My threesome obsession will remain though. It should be over in about two weeks XD Then I move on to my EunHae, and then back to JaeHo. I'm so pathetically fangirly ^^;

In other news, I got $530 from my dad's side of the family for xmas and I spent $60 of it today at Borders XD I got two books, Nightworld 2 and Crank, and a Twilight hoodie. But it's a KICK ASS twilight hoodie!! I'll find a picture of it somewhere online and post it here.

Umm... Yeah. For now I guess that's all. I'm probably going to write a KiHae crack oneshot so be ready XD

xx

Mira luvs you! ^_^ (If you couldn't tell by now, yes I am on crack. WOOT)

1. DBSK's 4th album - Mirotic. Yeah, I know it's sad that it's #1. My year just sucked.
2. I got my awesome new hair ^_^
3. I moved.
4. I got an amazing Korean boyfriend (cant mention names) but haven't talked to him since April =( (btw this isn't alex =P.)
5. I made a lot of amazing new friends.
6. LJ - which has kept me from going insane.
7. I started writing again.
8. I discovered the wonders of Se7en.
9. I became Wiccan.
10. aaaaaand I guess it would be the fact that my family is still in one piece even after all the trauma this year.

2008 wasn't very great for me. I could tell from New Year's Eve that it was going to suck. I hope 2009 is a lot better...
 

 

Medusa

I wish I knew a Medusa

So she could turn my heart to stone.

So I'll stop giving my pain away

To men I call my own.

 

I wish I knew a Medusa,

To freeze time in place.

So I could erase yesterday

And fix all of my mistakes.

 

But I don't know a Medusa

Who will help me to be sane.

I have to deal with what I've done

And stop playing this pitiful game.

 

I like this one. It actually rhymes! ^_^

I was thinking about the issue that I posted about yesterday. And I was listening to Knife by The TRAX so there's the Medusa inspiration. XD

I need to find a poem to give to my English teacher in January because of the Young Authors competition my school's having. If anyone has a suggestion out of the poems I post here, please tell me!! ^^

xx Mira

Hi all! I haven't updated in forever...
1. I'm sick. It's hell.
2. Me and Alex have been together for 1 week (lol)
3. CHRISTMAS IS NEXT THURSDAY WOOOO!!!
4. Today is a snow day at my school. It's also the last day before winter break, so NO MORE SCHOOL!
5. I got an Xanga. I think I will use that for my personal posts (although i will probably still post them on here. but random little rants and stuff I will put on xanga.)
http://www.xanga.com/BeautifulStarDust

I'll keep it mostly public so if you don't have an Xanga you can still read it if anyone actually wants to.

Working on Chapter 3 of WAMF, and starting a new story that's actually not fanfiction. Exciting.

xx
Mira <3

Title: Writing Away my Freedom
Length: 2/????
Pairings: Changmin/Jaejoong
Rating: R and later NC-17
Warnings: drugs, smut, and other things related.
Genre: angst, drama, romance, tragedy
beta-read by </a></font></b></a>vestigialdreams 
Summary: Changmin was your ordinary university student, until he stumbled upon a pair of tragic eyes.
 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2 – Lips of an Angel

 

 

“I thought you guys said artsy cafe?” I asked my newly-found friends. They had stopped in front of a dingy bar with posters advertising rock bands plastered all over the windows. In one poster, I recognized Jaejoong in a group of five men. Each of them was holding an instrument, except for Jae. I could guess he was the vocalist.

“Yeah. I lied. Bad habit.” Mira said, lighting a cigarette. “Want one?” She held the pack out to me.

“No thanks. I only smoke as a stress reliever.” I replied. She then held the pack out to Sarah.

“Anyway, this place actually isn't that bad. A lot of great acts are here, and the drinks are pretty high-end too. The only things you have to deal with are the cruddy people.” Sarah added, grabbing a smoke.

“Jae and I are gonna go around back to get ready.” Kibum announced, starting to drag Jae by the arm.

“Whoa, wait. Since when are you allowed backstage?” He protested, yanking his arm out of the younger man's grip.

Kibum hung his head in embarrassment. “Just once? I’ve always wondered what you guys do before a show!”
“Well then maybe you should grow some brains and get a talent, and just maybe you you'll make it somewhere in entertainment.” Jae said, his expression sarcastic. He waved at us, and then stalked off into the dark side alley.

Sarah looped her arm around Kibum's. “Come on Kibi. Let's leave these grouches alone.”
“Kibi?” Miranda asked, one eyebrow raised.

“I get tired of calling him Bummie all the time.”

“What about Kibummie?” I suggested.

Sarah glared at me before stomping away into the bar. I looked searchingly at Miranda, but she just rolled her eyes and motioned for me to follow. The inside of the building was dark, so it was hard to tell if it was very dirty. The air smelled of booze and sweat, and it was just as loud as the club, except the noise came from drunken people, not bass. It was a pretty large building with wall-to-wall bar down its left side. The stage was at the end of the bar, and the rest of the floor area was tables and lounge seats. Miranda sat down on a stool at the gigantic bar, and I sat down beside her.

“Two beers.” Mira told the barmaid. She gave us two extremely large mugs of the numbing yellow liquid.

“This is a record for me. I never drink this much in two days.” I remarked.

She laughed. “Then you must be pretty damn thirsty all the time.”
I smiled. Just as I was about to ask her when Jae was performing, all the lights went low.

“OH! It's Jae's band!” She said excitedly, pulling me off my stool and pushing our way through the crowd to the front row. In just fifteen minutes, Jaejoong's entire appearance had changed. He had swapped his bright raver clothes to all black and leather, matching his shiny, raven-black hair. I gazed up in awe at him; I had never seen anyone look so perfect under bright lights.

He shouted what must have been the name of their band, but I was too mesmerized by his appearance to hear it. Suddenly, the music started, loud and aggressive. It shocked me out of my trance, and I started moving with the crowd.

His voice was exactly as magnificent as I imagined it would be. The other members were so loud I could hardly hear what he was singing, but the sounds still hypnotized me as much as his eyes did. My eyes could not be torn away from his perfect face, that perfect mouth that was releasing such beautiful sounds. At that moment I was sure I had fallen in love with him. I had no idea how, seeing as I had never talked to him before tonight, but he had cast a spell on me, and I was hooked.

Miranda pulled me out of the crowd near what was probably the end of the show, and brought me backstage.

“If we're allowed back here, why isn't Kibum?” I asked.

“Because ever since Jae's band hit it big locally, he's been sucking up to him. Jaejoong knows when he's getting taken advantage of.” We sat there in silence for a while, listening to the last song of their set end. “You seem pretty fond of Jae...” It wasn't a question. She knew. She knew somehow that his eyes drove me crazy, haunting me; she could read all my thoughts about him. I could almost feel her scoping around in my head. “... But you're cautious because you've always been the straight one and now you suddenly have such a deep love for a man you hardly know.” She finished, her eyes closed.

“How can you know all of this?”

“Jae's not a very hard person to fall for.” She opened her eyes and smiled at me sadly. I couldn't tell if she was just saying that to cover up her mysterious mind-reading abilities, or if it was a sincere statement.

Just as I opened my mouth to respond, Jaejoong and the four other men walked in. I hadn't even heard the song finish.

“Awesome, you guys. As usual.” Mira said to them, getting up off her seat to give them sitting room. I followed suit.

“Changmin, this is Xiah Junsu, our bassist; Yoochun, or Micky, our drummer; U-Know Yunho, our lead guitar player; and Lee Donghae, our rhythm guitar player.” Jae said to me, pointing to everyone as he introduced them.

“Hey.” I said, raising my hand in an awkward hello. Most of them nodded hello, but Donghae waved spazzily, bouncing over to talk to me.

“Hi!” He said. “Welcome to the group!” He smiled cutely, with his eyes all scrunched up.

I suppressed a laugh. “Thanks.”

“Come on, Fishy. Leave the poor man alone.” Miranda said, also holding in laughter. “Let's go get a drink! I'll buy.”

“That's not fair. Girls shouldn't buy guys drinks.” Donghae whined.

“Just go with it, Hae.” The one I thought was named Yunho said, pushing him out the door. Mira followed them, winking at me, and the guys named Yoochun and Junsu walked hand in hand out the back door. Soon it was just me and Jae in the small room; I had caught on to what Mira was doing way too late.

“So...” Jaejoong started, closing the door behind him. I swore I could vaguely hear the click of a lock. Slowly, shyly, he walked towards me, his eyes pointed at the ground. “How did you like our show?”

“I-it was amazing.” I stammered.

“Thank you.” He smiled sheepishly, finally raising his hypnotic eyes to meet mine. I couldn't help but stare; they were deeper than anyone else's I had ever met. In a rush, I felt a so many mixed emotions. Somehow I could sense all his misery, the rare joys of his life, and his confusion... about me. As soon as I understood what I was feeling, it ended. He looked frustrated, as if he was mad at himself for letting me see that much of himself.
“I understand.” I said quietly, and his face softened. His eyes drew me back in again, but in a different way. They had me under a trance, and everything became a little foggy. He smirked, and then I felt his lips crash against mine. Without thinking, I opened my mouth at his command. There was an unexplainable urge to heal every wound he had ever received, harm anyone who had ever wronged him. He had me completely under his control.
“You're mine.” Jae whispered into my ear. I only had enough strength to nod back. I had no idea at the time how much those words would destroy me.

______________________
A/N: this is my favorite chapter so far. ^^ I hope you all like it! comments are greatly appreciated!

Title: Writing Away my Freedom
Length: 1/????
Pairings: Changmin/Jaejoong
Rating: R and later NC-17
Warnings: drugs, smut, and other things related.
Genre: angst, drama, romance, tragedy
A/N: Sorry for the really long time between updates! I got really lazy but I'm going to start writing more now.
beta-read by vestigialdreams 
Summary: Changmin was your ordinary university student, until he stumbled upon a pair of tragic eyes.


 

When I got back to the dorm, Heechul was already up. Why is he up? He hates the morning. I thought to myself, until I read the clock. 2:30 PM. Oh. That's why.

"Well aren't you home late?" Heechul teased. He was on his laptop at the desk in the corner of the room. "Did you guys stop and have some morning fun too?"

"Oh shut up. I don't even remember her name." I said tiredly, plopping down on my bed to stare at the ceiling.

"That makes sense, seeing as you were high off your ass." He laughed, and I shot him a death glare. "Well, the really skinny one I was with was Sarah, and the fat one with the X was Miranda."

"She was not fat! She was about the same as the other girl."

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes and spun around to face his laptop again. I lay there with my eyes closed, trying to imagine the face those haunting eyes might belong to. "Hey, Chullie?" I ask.

"Huh?" He grunts.

"Are you doing anything tonight? I want to go back to that club."
 

I had his attention now. He spun around to face me, one eyebrow raised. "So you actually enjoyed last night?"

"Yeah." I lied. "A lot."
 

Yet again I found myself in a room packed from wall to wall with people, barely visible under blinding strobe lights in the thick darkness. I sighed and leaned against the bar, exhausted. I had followed Heechul around the entire club, still not finding the eyes I longed for. I had a headache from my massive hangover, and the pounding bass didn't make it any better.

"What can I get you?" the older man tending the bar asked me.

"Anything." I mumbled, laying my head in my arms.

"Rough night?" He asked, rummaging around the bottles.

"Sort of. I've been searching for... something. But I just can't seem to find what it is." I spilled. Why did I feel that I could trust this man? I watched his face as he prepared my unknown drink. I could tell he was sincerely thinking over my dilemma. His face wasn't extremely old, but I could tell he was in his mid-forties. He looked a lot like my dad... Before he left us.

The man slid a glass full of clear liquid towards me. I caught it. "I don't have much expertise in the area of finding things. I mean, look at me! Forty-five and still working the same club I worked in during college. Although... I never had much potential. You, though, you've got a lot of potential. Good looks, you look pretty rich, and all those girls starin' at you from the corner must say somethin' about your ability to attract people." Finishing the last drops of my drink, I only half-heard what he was saying. I was more concerned about the people staring at me. I spun around to look at the people in the corner, recognizing Miranda and Sarah... and the eyes. Without thinking, I rose from my seat and practically floated to the corner where they all were. "It's on the house!" the bartender shouted behind me.

While in my trance, I took some time to take in the body around the eyes. I was sure it was a man, judging by the build of his chest. He was muscular, but also so delicate I didn't want him to move, afraid he might snap in half. His facial features were feminine, but not to the point of being awkward. His eyes were a dark brown, with flecks of gold scattered here and there. The pupils were a dark, never-ending black that could draw you down for miles. He was beautiful, and that made my heart ache for him even worse. Suddenly, I noticed his arm encircle Miranda's shoulders, and felt my heart sink a little. His eyes then flashed to me, making my heartbeat quicken and my breath shallow. Wait, why am I crushing over a guy? I don't want to be Heechul! I thought, though I had no time to fully convince myself of my orientation. Before I knew it, I was in front of them.

"Hey," Miranda smirked at me. "I thought I recognized you."

"I bet he wasn't as good as Chullie. He fits quite nicely as my Wednesday night regular." The other girl, Sarah, remarked, sticking her tongue out and grinning deviously before taking a sip of her drink.

Miranda locked eyes with me and smiled. "Sorry, but I like men that don't look like chicks."

Sarah choked on her drink laughing, and the mysterious pretty boy on Miranda's shoulder faked a hurt look. "Oh, JJ, you know you're my best gay." Miranda said sarcastically.
 

"I'm not gay!" He protested his eyes widening. "I'm bi. Get it straight."

She rolled her eyes and kissed him on the cheek. Turning her attention back to me, she asked. "So, I never got your name?"

Another gorgeous man slid up next to Sarah. "Mira, you slept with him without knowing his name?"

Sarah elbowed him in the ribs. "Shut it, Bummie."
 

"I'm Shim Changmin." I replied, my voice slightly shaking.

"Well, Changmin, I'm Miranda. But call me Mira; I hate my name. Not telling you my last name - legal reasons," She winked. "This gaywad next to me is Kim Jaejoong - singer/songwriter superstar!" He rolled his gorgeous chocolate brown eyes as she continued. "The blonde is Sarah, we're both American runaways. And the uptight dickhead standing next to her is my ex, Kim Kibum. I love them all dearly." She smiled sarcastically.

"We're not runaways." Sarah said, laughing.

"Well we did run away from the country as soon as we turned eighteen didn't we?"

"Whatever."

These were definitely not the type of people I hung out with on a regular basis. They were artists and partiers and dreamers. Not my regular practical nerd crowd.

"So, Mr. Shim, what do you do on a daily basis?" Jaejoong asked me. He had a beautiful voice too. I wondered how well it could sing...

"Well..." I started. His eyes looked into mine. They were so deep as though they were determined on seeing every thought in my head. For some reason, I felt completely exposed. I gulped, suddenly nervous, and Miranda noticed. "I'm a literary major at Seoul University."
 

"Cool. Literature was my minor." He said, smiling.

"Jae's a year out of college." Sarah said, matter-of-factly. "Old man."

"Twenty-four is not old!" He pouted.

"Yeah, I'm twenty-three. Just because my year is senior doesn't mean anything." I joked, and immediately wished I hadn't. That was one of the lamest jokes you've ever come up with. Great job. But to my surprise, everyone cracked up laughing. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding.

"You're funny. Do you want to spend the rest of the night with us?" Miranda asked, looping her arm in mine. "JJ has a performance in this artsy cafe. You should see it, he's really good."

"Okay. Sounds like fun." I replied, smiling shyly at Jaejoong as I said it.

Jae blushed and looked at his feet as we walked out of the club.

__

A/N: Okay i feel ike a total idiot. When I first posted this I posted it as a friends only. *headdesk*
Oh well. At least now it's beta-ed and a lot better so it's worth it .^^ Please comment!
 

....Until I get my hair cut! I'm so excited. I haven't had a hair cut in a year and 3 months. -_-
I miss my old emo hair =( lol

I'll try to post pictures but idk if I'll be able to sneak them on here. I'll probably upload them while I'm at katie's tonight.

Other news, I made my desicion on the Alex/Connor situation. I'm picking Connor. My heart says I love him, so i'm going to follow that for once. I don't need to hurt another person.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY VILLE VALO! 32. holy shit.


Ummmmmmmmmmmm.... Yeah. Glowsticks are fun at 9 in the morning. ^_^

I think I have a problem with becoming obsessive. Do they call that an obsessive personality? I have no idea. I should look that up.

Anyway, what am I obsessive about? Well, I'm writing a story that has a lot to do with Wicca and other occult subjects. It is so interesting, and I've decided I'm going to start practicing it. My parents CAN"T know otherwise I'm done for (strict Catholics.) If there's anyone out there who knows anything about it, please contact me! I need some guidance ^^

Also, there's this guy. Alex. He's like... my dream guy. And I feel bad because I already have a boyfriend who I love very dearly, but I never see him anymore. I haven't talked to him for a month. I'll be able to see him again after Thanksgiving, but I'm really scared it's too late. I met Alex at my new school, and we have almost all the same interests, our personalities are the same, we play the same instruments, and have the same friends. Me and Connor (my boyfriend) are like that too, but... I don't know. I think it's just that curse I have on my relationships. I get bored really quick and it's hard for me to see the good in the guy once I get him. Do I have some kind of problem? Because that's happened to me my whole life. I just feel like a slut because it seems like I just like the chase. And the risk. I've had up to five boyfriends at once, and I think the part I enjoyed about it was hiding them all from each other. All of them ended up badly. It makes feel sick thinking about when I do things like that....

I need some advice. Should I go with the guy I've known for almost forever that knows me better than anybody, or the guy I've known for a week that I'm probably more physically attracted to? I know to a lot of people that answer is probably really obvious, but Alex is right here and now and you have no idea how tempting that offer is.

Well, a somewhat improvement today. I can finally use the laptop in my room!
Not sure if I can use email yet. oh well, im gonna anyway.
Chapter 2 of Writing Away My Freedom is ALMOST done. All I have to write is the smut scene. *headdesk* I've never written smut before, so this should be interesting. ^^;

Uhm. yeah. there was so much more I wanted to say here but i totally forgot so i'll post again later probably =P

email me: carefully-wasted@lycos.com

Bittersweet day.
So, new DBSK video. yay.
my best friend that ive had since 3rd grade was finally on today. i spill my heart out and apologize for how bitchy i've ever been to him, and you know what he says? "why are you talking to me all of a sudden? do you need something?" 
... that's when i started crying. he was one of the best friendships i've ever had in my entire life and now he hates me. im not even sure what i did wrong. i know there's a lot of times i was a bitch, but thats no reason to completely start hating someone is it? 

then i said "well.. i just miss you... and... you're never on anymore. if you dont want to talk to me i can just go away." 

and he said "Sorry, not right now. have homework." 
and then i said "okay i guess ill talk to you later."

him:
"ok hold on. one more thing. *blocks*'

thats when i started bawling.

and right now i can't stop. my mom's looking at me like what the hell are you doing, and i said im just watching something sad.

now i need to go fangirl. i guess ill talk to you later

Wrong Number is so ironic in this situation right now. you dont even know.

Yes, November 11th is officially Pocky Day! Because 11/11 looks like four pocky sticks ^^ So go out and buy yourself a pack of pocky and eat the whole damn thing because they're just THAT GOOD! XD

Purple broke up with Sarah.
Gold is out of rehab.
White is dead.
Black and white were married. (Black is in severe depression)
I'm chasing black. I think he's too deep in depression for another relationship...
Silver and Crimson are cheating on each other with the same sex.
Lime is in death row cuz it killed white drunk driving. (nobody likes lime)
Purple and pink are going out. (SCANDELOUS)
Yellow and orange are engaged.
Terqoise is suicidal because lime mentally scarred him.
Neon green and hot pink are going out.
Yellow-red is gay. I KNOW.
(i cannot spell terqoise to save my life.)
................................

Katie and  Sarah came up with that. See what kind of friends i have?! LOL

OK anyway.
I'm like super proud of myself right now because I have straight As! GO ME! This is like the first time in forever.
love_cassiopeia and my english teacher have totally inspired me to start writing more. I took a really long lag from writing because I was reading all these others and then rereading mine and realized how amateureish mine sounded, but then my english teacher stole my journals (im stupid and bring them to school), read all my writing (she reads a lot of fan fiction so i wasn't really worried about inaproriateness...) and told me the things I should work on to get my writing to be as good quality as my favorites (ex. Jaejoong's Lyric - ONE OF MY FAVORITES OF ALL TIME) and I'm trying really hard again to get a lot done. So mostly that's what I'm working on at the moment. I aslo have extremely awesome friends who pester me to read everything I put on paper so I feel really frickin bad about my self-esteem issues, which is just enough to get me to work! 

Does anyone know the english lyrics to Ride On by DBSK?! I'm so obsessed with that song right now, and i really want to know what it means. I would so appreciate it if someone could point me in the right direction! ^^

I'm pretty sure that's all for today. I get to go shopping for tomorrow if I'm not too sick! YAY CLOTHES! lol

<3 you all! 
Mira

 



 

(stolen from silent_twin )

Dear yesungswifey ,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but your nostrils are insulting. I think I realized it when your dwarf bit me outside of Chicago, and I saw you sit at my best friend. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that I did a sex-change. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I never openly mocked cocaine abuse.

Go burn,
Miranda

( the meme format thing )

Aish. I'm sick. Like really sick. *dies*
and i have Gay Bar stuck in my head *hums*
YAY FOR OBAMA WINNING PRESIDENT! at the beginning i was a McCain person, but then i started liking Obama. go figure.
uhhh... as for my writing... i got really lazy... i ish sorry i will be working on that soon.
I had a parent-teacher conference yesterday (ew) and they made my mom cry because of how much they said they loved me. *rolls eyes* I don't know why it suprises her so much. they've said the same damn thing about me since preschool.
I HAVE A NEW FANDOM! Supernova/Choshinsung. ^^ Kim Sungje is my favorite right now XD
I'm gonna go sleep. my head is throbbing...

Title: Writing Away my Freedom
Length: Prolouge/????
Pairings: Changmin/Jaejoong
Rating: R and later NC-17
Warnings: drugs, smut, and other things related.
Genre: angst, drama, romance, tragedy
A/N: Some people wanted me to write more on my oneshot Take It Away, so I'm making 3 prequels (one for each boyfriend) and a sequel. This sort of sucks but... it'll get better. ^_^
beta-read by silent_twin</lj>
Summary:  Changmin was your ordinary university student, until he stumbled upon a pair of tragic eyes.

Prolouge

A stressed Shim Changmin sat under a vibrant, red-leafed tree looking over and over all his class notes. He was in his last year of college as a Literature major, and their final exam for the year was in 24 hours*. Even though Changmin was in the top of his class, he was thoroughly convinced that he wouldn't pass and would have to retake a year.

Suddenly, a sharp piercing, cold wind blew away all of his papers. "Shit, no!" he yelled, getting up to chase after them. He retrieved all of his papers and sat back down. As he began to reorganize, the wind blew them all away…again. "Fuck it," he groaned, "I'm going to fail anyway." He leaned his head back against the rough bark of the tree, and closed his eyes.

"Heya buddy! Oooh... Someone seems to be in a bit of a mess." The second gust of wind had brought something even more annoying along with it: Changmin's best friend, Kim Heechul. It was common knowledge that every girl in the university swooned over his pretty-boy good looks, and he was extremely rich. So instead of doing the work himself (he was too good for that), he just paid off his teachers. How Changmin came to be friends with him, he didn't know. But Heechul was the only guy on campus he could connect with…somehow.

"Go away Chullie..." Changmin whined.
"And leave you to be all emo over some stupid exam? I think not." Heechul said, putting his hands on his hips. Changmin doubled over laughing at the snarky remark. Heechul's eyes widened as he dug around in his pockets for a mirror. "What? What's so funny? Is there something wrong with my face?!"

"No, you just look like my mom." he said in between laughs.

"Oh, you bitch. You're lucky I love you. Now come on, I'm taking you out tonight." He grabbed the younger man's hand, yanking him off the ground and started stomping away.

Changmin struggled against his grasp and suddenly stopped, almost making Heechul fall back. "Wait... you love me?" Changmin questioned.

"Figure of speech!" Heechul said, rolling his eyes. "Now come on!" He tugged harder, this time making Changmin almost fall, and dragged him back to their dorm to get ready for a night of clubbing.

Changmin's POV

My head was spinning from the alcohol, the lights were too bright, the music was too loud, and these stupid clothes Heechul put me in were way too uncomfortable. But the chaos had made me forget all about the exam, and I think I was actually having fun.

"Isn't this better than spending another night locked up in that depressing room?" Heechul yelled over the loud techno. I noticed he was dancing with a pencil-thin foriegn girl - American, probably - dressed in bright neon clothes that made her glow in the dark. She was extremely good-looking, but I wasn't really into party girls.

"Yeah I guess," I replied, as a friend of the American girl started dancing with me. She was as good looking as the other girl, except not as skinny, more athletic. She pulled me off the dance floor and back to the bar area.

"You look a little sick," she commented. Her Korean was very good, although you could tell from her accent that she was an American. "Take this, it'll make you feel better." She slipped a little bright blue pill with a black X on it into my hand, and gave me a drink. I'm not sure why I did it. At the time, I didn't even know what it was until I woke up the next morning with her next to me in bed.

I quickly sat up, panicked and tried to remember last night. The last thing I could remember was taking the little blue pill... and a face. I couldn't remember it very clearly, but the image of the eyes burned into the back of my mind.

Deep in thought, I got up, dressed, and left the mysterious girl alone in her apartment. I forgot all about my exam, and even what class it was for. All I knew was that I had to get to know that pair of broken eyes.

 

 

Title: Take it Away
Pairings: Changmin/Yunho, Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating:  R
Warnings: murder, suggestive material, suicide, might be disturbing
Genre: angst, romance? , songfic
A/N:  Um... This has to be the weirdest fic i've ever written... I was in a really bad mood a few days ago and got the idea... I'm still not sure if I should be posting this but some people I know want me to so i guess i will ^^
Summary:   Changmin's love life hasn't exactly been perfect. What will happen when he finds what he considers his true love in bed with his worst ex? 


(The song is Take it Away by The Used. Click here for the song.)


You, a small, fragile man staggered out of one of Seoul's many bars. Unnoticed tears slid down your face as you were lost in your running thoughts.

I'm lying to myself and this dagger is my excuse.

"He can't love someone else... he swore to me... but why hasn't he talked to me.." you rambled to no one as you stumbled over your own feet, retracing the familiar route to your lover's apartment.

I'm a pawn, I should have paid up.
And I left an hour late. I was laid up.

You had been used before, but you didn't care about those people. Yunho was different. You loved him more than anyone else you had ever known. He said he would never hurt you, that he would always be there, but he was a liar. You felt used, thrown aside, and unwanted pawn in the horrific game of love.

I must abuse myself, I'm against all that I've made up.
Set in stone the sun will come and I hate the light.
You know I hate the light.

Turning on to the well-lit street of apartment buildings, the street lights burn your eyes, causing you to stumble even more. You hated artificial light. You loved the ferocity of the soft glow of flame.

To me it looks so pretty burning...

Suddenly, your legs give out, and you fall to the ground, gagging. Just a little bit longer, you think to yourself, just a few more steps. You pick up the gun that had fallen out of your jacket. It only had two bullets in it. That's all you'd be needing tonight.

I must have lost something in the heat of all these dances.
I"m a worm with no more chances, and I've lost all doubt in a chemical romance.

You reach his building, and don't bother to call up. You had the key, and anyway, this was a suprise visit. When you walk into the main room of his apartment, you see clothes thrown about everywhere, seeming to be in a trail leading up to the bedrooom door, from which you could here those noises that you dearly missed. The sounds that used to belong to you, but now belong to that other man that had stolen your life. You could feel rage and misery boil up inside you, and you burst into the bedroom.

I can't stop itching over thoughts of tarnished hope.
Kinda funny lonely feeling I'm not in love.
You know it's not love.

In the dimly lit room, you see your true love in a heated scene with another man that you can recognize. He, too, promised everything, and gave nothing. He was your first male love, your first bitter taste, Kim Jaejoong.

"YAH! Yunho, what is this?!" You shout at them.

"Ch-Changmin!" Yunho says, his eyes widening in shock. You pull the pistol out from under your jacket and point it at Jaejoong. "No Changmin, put it down! That's not the way to settle this!" 

Brothers and sisters I'm right here with you.

"Then what is? Huh? Every man I truly love ends up hurting me. Why not just kill them all? HUH?" You scream at them, tears welling up in your eyes. "You cheater. You both used me. That's not something I take lying down." You cock the gun.

Cause everyone's got one, a story to kill me.

"Please... no..." Yunho begged, tears streaming down his face.

You pull the trigger and hit Jaejoong square over his heart. He dies immediately as Yunho starts screaming.

I'm so apethetic in my resentment.
Living, loving, knowing not.

You pull a matchbook from another inside pocket, light one, and throw it on the ground. Everything around the bed burst into flames, leaving Yunho frozen in terror in the middle of a ring of fire. You take off your jacket and throw it into the fire, making the flames even bigger. You crawl, gun in hand, to Yunho on the bed. You only had one bullet left.

Take my heart.

"Yunho, no matter what you've done to me, my love for you has never faltered."
 

Take my mind.

"I can never get you out of my thoughts."

Take my love.

You lean over and devour his trembling lips for the last time.
...
B A N G.

Take my hand..

You fall into darkness, reaching out to Yunho's disembodied screams. You don't want to die. It was all a mistake. You wished you had never met Jaejoong and gotten into this life of sex, booze, and music.

But once you fall this low, there's no coming back.

Take my life...